|
[27 Aug 2007|02:07am] |
yeah well everything is good in the hood ;) haha. yeah so i hate working everyday.. yeah its literally a 5min job, but still leaving your house 2times a day sometimes even 5sucks.. but anyways. scranton/wilkes barre yankee game tomorrow with the hubby. the mom. & my brother & sister.. should be fun? umm luzerne county fair is coming up!!! i cant wait...
but what sucks is sept 5th i have a root canal appointment & then the 11th i have another dentist appointment.. now the 5th is keiths birthday & the first night of the fair & then the 11th is our anniversary.. great! lol but im out.
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[17 Aug 2007|09:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
very depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hinder // shoulda |
] |
i hate to say this, but this past month has completely sucked & i feel like i have no one anymore & i hate that feeling.. and i think its time i do go back to my old ways.. and im really thinking about going back to cutting & carving & to stop eating .. because thats the only pain i can control.. the pain other people put me through i cant control.. theres nothing more i can do.. so i guess its time for the old amanda to come back out.. im sorry if this depresses people or gets people mad at me.. theres nothing else i can do. plus i also think i have a depression problem & i refuse to go get help because the doctor is just going to put me on pills to make me happy when i would rather be a happy person just because im myself not because of pills.
bye♥
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| 07.07.07 - is it really lucky? |
[07 Jul 2007|02:22pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hinder // better than me |
] |
today is supposed to be a lucky day, well guess what. its not.... im sick of getting lied to and sitting around doing nothing while keith is out party, im really dont know what to do anymore.. HELP ME???
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| i dont know anymore |
[02 Jul 2007|12:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
upset / confused. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hinder // better than me |
] |
everything up until yesterday i was feeling good about. but i dont know anymore. its just not the same & i mean with everything, i think it finally hit me that im outta highschool and its time to grow up, & i dont want that.. i want to go back to school. i think i am the only one that does want to go back, i miss it.. i miss seeing my friends everyday, i miss not having to get a job, i miss my teacher mrs. kravitz. she was the person i told everything too & my best friend.. i dont even talk to her anymore.. i hate being out of highschool.
& my next problem the FAMOUS KEITH, go figure right? anyways.. ever since he got the internet, hes been online & what not, after 2years ago he said their is no more screennames for either one of us & here he is online, yeah i go online but im on it for no more than 5mins & im not on everyday & not only that.. but hes sending naked pictures of girls that i guess he finds on the computer to his cellphone & putting them as backgrounds, like is it not supposed to bother me or should it? im so confused, like i always said if he can go to the strip club and look at naked girls on the computer than hes not happy with what i have or who i am.
i really dont know anymore. i really sometimes think about just ending it & maybe we'll both be better off. & i dont even get an "i love you" as much as i used to. it sucks, i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. this sucks. & i really dont talk to anyone about the whole keith issue because i dont like to bother people. im one that keeps everything in(still) and when i have a day to myself i cry & cry about it. i sit out on my roof & look at the stars and just cry because atleast no one will hear me or see me out there. this sucks, there are times where i wish i drove so i could just drive off a cluff or even get into a car accident to see if he really cares about me & would stay at the hospital with me because i hate hospitals soo much, i refuse to go to the hospital unless i really have to. but im done venting for now, HELP ME? if you can / want to .. if not, then okay :(
♥
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| graduation night</3 |
[07 Jun 2007|08:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
leann wolmack - i hope you dance |
] |
so i am OFFICALLY done with highschool
i kinda miss it though
i graduated on tuesday night
it was really sad
just sit there and look at your class
& remember all the good times
&forget the bad, because your not going to see HALF if not MORE of your class ever again
& thats when it all hits, so take it in.
we had 2graduation songs, Kenny Rogers "through the years" & Leann Womack "I hope you dance"
both really sad songs with alot of meaning
i did nothing but cry at graduation.
i had pictures from the after party at my house, but keith deleted them
because he was trashed and in 99.9% of them because he was hugging everyone. lol
but here are some pictures for you..
( graduation =[ )
enjoy♥
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[29 Apr 2007|10:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
brad paisley - shes everything |
] |
yeah, so i havent updated in awhile..
well theres NO senior prom for me
fuck tech & school probation
i havent been living at home
ive been staying at my aunts house
family issues :-\
but whatever.
im still waiting to go and get my license,
i will eventually go & get it
my whole summer is basically vaction time
kinda cant wait
graduation parties -- TIME TO GET CRUNKED
, i just hope i can get along with everyone at everyone's parties
i kinda get hostile when im drunk
oh well. haha
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[29 Mar 2007|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fergie ~ glamorous |
] |
nothing much new
starting to do my own things
partying & what not
still in an amazing relationship
graduation gift = 2004 VW JETTA!
how excited am i for june 5th to roll around??
this weather is BEAUTIFUL,
so that means amanda is going to start walking more and getting her ass in shape.
& i also won nicest eyes for senior class polls,
i thought it was nice that i won,
me & keith didnt get class couple though..
people that break up every other day did,
but whatever, its chill.
i love my best friend, shes the greatest
and i love that i can call her at 2am from a party drunk
and she'll come get me even though she was sleeping.
i cant wait for summer, its going to be GREAT!
♥
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|
[06 Feb 2007|05:56pm] |
nothing too much new yet
im getting my car friday
so then ill practice for a little
then go get my license
i cant wait!
heres pictures from the superbowl.. im a little tispy & keiths a little drunk. haha.
( superbowl pictures )
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|
| its been awhile |
[21 Jan 2007|01:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hinder - bliss |
] |
well its been awhile since ive been on this thing
nothing new really?
still with keith
im a cna still
i have a new baby cousin
im most likely moving in the summer
and then ill be moving to virgina beach after keith comes back from marines bootcamp
im looking forward to graduation
im most likely getting a cell phone
i got my permit, most likely going for my license in 2weeks
getting my car in febuary
i finally have pictures from the cruise me and keith went on
so heres all the pictures
theres going to be alot
( pictures for lost times )
ill post more pictures sometime soon<3 comments<3
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| they work |
[09 Oct 2006|11:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hinder - get stoned |
] |
THEY ARE ALL WORKING!@$<3 SO COMMENT!
senior pictures, pick out your favorite ones & comment
im getting more taken november 1st so vote on these for now<3
just put the numbers of the ones you like in a comment.
love yahs<3
( senior pictures )
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|
[25 Sep 2006|10:25am] |
well i havent updated in a LONG time.
but anyways..
im going on a cruise saturday 9/30 through 10/8
thank god, its going to be a good vaction.
im going with keith, i just hope we dont fight.
schools been alright i guess..
i just cant wait to apply to colleges
& graduate. it should be nice.
well i miss talking to everyone..
all my aim shit got deleted so IM me
x3 complete
i miss my c-lou deeply
we need to catch up on old times
& think about how rad senior week is going to be
and everything else.
i miss & love you c.<3
♥
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|
[06 Sep 2006|08:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fergie~london bridge |
] |
okay, so ive been in school for a week now
& its alright, im liking it..
i have a class with keith & in this class we learn
about BUILDING GOOD & CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
haha, maybe it will help??? i think NOT!<3
keith turned 18yesterday, yeppie...
me & keith no longer have lunch together
which is good but sucks in away.
keith had a party sunday & i wasnt aloud to go
but then he wanted me there.. i was going either way
but i hung out with brooke selinski & some haley chick.
& brucy all night<333 i miss that kid..
julie wanted to come down but she didnt because i told
eric i didnt want her there..
& tonight me and keith were supposed to hang out but
bruce called him & asked him to go to the fair
so keith in other words dicked me.. & that pissed me off
just because i want to go & i dont want nicole or julie to
be there tonight because then im afraid shit is going to go down
& i keep accussing keith of having another girlfriend & its pissing
him off, but im finding it funny as all hell. haha<3
im going to the fair saturday with keith, so deffently go<3
♥
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|
[27 Aug 2006|10:29pm] |
school tomorrow<3
ill update tomorrow on how it went<3
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|
[23 Aug 2006|02:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hurt/confussed/upset/broken |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
oasis~stop crying your heart out. |
] |
i need help.
my head is telling me to end this relationship
but my hearts telling me to stay..
keith told me he'd delete his myspace, well he only changed his
password, he told me that he only has eric & bruce on his buddylist.
complete lie. why do i put up with this bullshi?
i really fucking need help. im soo sick of crying over him
& not having fun.. my summer sucked & now i go back to school on monday
and i want to go back but then i dont.
my life is really becoming shitty. i miss the way things used to be
with me& him.. i cant take this.. and ive stopped myself from
carving & cutting because i promised everyone i would. but i cant.
im going to start doing it again & you can get mad at me. i dont blame you i just cant take this anymore and i need something that will help me. granted im just hurting myself.. but i really need help. i want to be in a hospital bed on my death bed and just die but that wont happen anytime soon.
keith never wants to be with me anymore. hes pushing me aside for his friends. i cant take this. i dont talk to anyone because i feel like no one wants to hear my problems, which you probally dont. and im sorry for bothering everyone with them.. so im goin gback to cutting and carving and hopefully ill really hurt myself to where i land in a hospital & die. it was nice knowing all of you..
im a bad girlfriend and i dont deserve to be here anymore..
im not pretty, i dont have self esteem, no one cares. im just sick of living.
bye</3
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|
|
[20 Aug 2006|05:14pm] |
|
oh yeah & keith is also back to go to parties & tells me i shouldnt get mad or anything. i go out ONE night with a friend and get bitched at.. well this slut toma was there and flashed him & he sat here and told me not to be mad or anything. i used to be friends with her and she knows hes with me.. but no i cant be mad.. fuck this shit.. i fucking hate keith and i hate girls.. FUCK PEOPLE! excpet a few, you know who you are<3
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|
[19 Aug 2006|11:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
london bridge ~fergie |
] |
i think keith is back to snorting & smoking pot
well i knew he was smoking pot again,but its becoming to be too much
& i dont know what to say to him about it
and i hate when hes with eric & jarrod & them because they dont like me
& they always want him to go "clubin" or "bitch hunting"& it pisses me off
but i wont say anything. & this whole condom thing in my last update is still bothering me
i dont know anymore, i hate my family
their a bunch of assholes, i really cant wait till i can move out
it will be the best.. i wont have to live by anyones rules or anything
im not moving out till keith gets back from bootcamp though
and yes i am moving in with him
GOD HELP ME! but whatever atleast im out of this house
help me<3
♥
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|
[17 Aug 2006|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the tv |
] |
so keith was home yesterday at 530am.
i hung out with him. but this is the thing..
he bought condoms before he left to go to oc.
but why did he buy them? did he have intensions on using them?
&i asked him and all he said was "dont worry about it, why do you care? & i didnt have intensions on using them."
but then why did he buy them?, was i wrong for asking?
& that still pissed me off, like why else would you buy condoms before you go to the beach?
i mean they were all there when i was cleaning out his suitcase, i counted them to make sure none were used.
so thats a plus, i guess? but still why would he need them if im not there?
hes going down again next friday but i think im going to beg him to take me
because i really want to go. i just have to find a babysitter for friday from like 2pm to 4pm
so my mom can go to work. and ill give whoever money. so yeah.. but i still have to talk to keith about letting me
go, & he better let me go. i go back to school that monday the 28th & then i get off school early the 29th for senior pictures & yet i still have
no outfits picked out & i still have to go get my new sneakers, good im soo behind:-\
i dont know what to think anymore :\
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|
[15 Aug 2006|06:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the tv |
] |
so you know how i said keith went to ocean city,
well he was supposed to come home monday
well that never happened, & then he was supposed to come home today
yeah well thats not happening either. hes really starting to
piss me off, he made plans with me for monday night & tonight
&hes dicked me both times. and he thinks i shouldnt be pissed.
i cant take this shit anymore..
& on top of being pissed at him, i have his mom telling me
to go out & have fun, but i cant... i dont know how to have fun anymore
& it sucks. & on top of all this i have a REALLY BAD ear infection
who the hell gets ear infections anymore, besides babies?
bye.
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|
[13 Aug 2006|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
unfaithful ~ rihanna |
] |
this sucks...
well i listened to everyone & went out with candi, kay, & joe
& i did nothing but talk about keith all night long
i miss him, alot, i mean i had fun
but it was weird with him not being next to me
& i feel bad that i lyed to him and told him i was going to babysit my cousin.
but he lies to me, you know?
i called him when i got home & i was like "your not doing anything stupid are you?
& hes liek "no, i love you"
i miss him & his like call me back in 10mins, but ill call him before i go to bed
this sucks, i cant go ONE day without the kid.
he doesnt know what time hes coming home or anything.
i just want him here holding me :-\
♥
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[12 Aug 2006|11:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a movie~bring it on all or nothing. |
] |
so heres where i tell you about my LOVELY anniversary.
well we fought the first hour we got together.
because he told me that he saw two hot girls & they said he was hot
so was that not supposed to piss me off?..okay
so then we went to get hair dye & he dyed my hair, it is actually darker
than the pictures i took, it only looks light in those pictures because
the flash was on. so yeah
then he made pizza & we ate & then we went and layed down. & thats pretty
much it. then he brought me home at 1130. then he came over at 1am & stayed
till 330. then he left & i called him at 4 & then i went to bed.<3
well thats all..♥
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|
[12 Aug 2006|12:01am] |
hey guys ill update about my anniversary later.. but i wanted you guys to tell me how you like my new hair COLOR, i get it cut sunday & then ill have pictures..
( new hair )
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|
[10 Aug 2006|11:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
2YEARS IN 40MINS<3
not that i can tell you where keith is right now.
but thats not a suprise i can never find him.
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[10 Aug 2006|05:59pm] |
|
change of hair plans. im not getting highlights because keith doesnt want me getting them.. i love this kid to death, but im in a shitty relationship but i cant leave it because i love him alot</3
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|
|
[09 Aug 2006|12:53pm] |
help me out guys...
im getting my hair done sunday..
im dying my hair brown again.. meaning my hair is 3different colors
right now because the sun.. but im getting highlights & i dont know what color to get.. GIVE ME IDEAS!?
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[08 Aug 2006|12:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
DMB; american baby |
] |
so i saw keith for 15mins today.
which was when he came to my house to get money
off me today & then he at 9pm he said that hes was coming down.
well yeah he never showed & its now 1230? hmm.. lets think,
did my boyfriend dick me tonight? i beleive so.
but too keep the time flying, ive been reading my book.
so whatever. im sure he'll show up when im sleeping
meaning he has the key to my house.
anyways. im bored, so heres a survey i stole from boback.
1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
i was rubbing tanning oil on my aunts back when i was a tot. & i scrapped it against the metal bending things.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
paint so far.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
dont have you anymore.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
uhm, whatever really.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
2:35pm
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
keith to stop over so i can talk to him.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
my friends.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
i dont know.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
rain & gasoline.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
no?
11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
yes.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
lovespell& paris hilton.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
short.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
somewhere romantic.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
neither?
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
nothing!
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
nothing.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
keith i would imagine.
20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
did but i dont anymore, it kinda just left me. haha.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX):
a valentine & a pin.
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
yes.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
not that i know of.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
..
25. WHAT`S YOUR DREAM CAR?
a land rover.
27. WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR DREAMS?
not telling, dreams come true & if i told you it wouldnt.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
all you have to say is "i love you"
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
08.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
both.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
keiths cell (when he had it) or my moms cell
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
my sibilings.
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
no.
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
deffently keith.
36. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
far from here.
37. FIRST JOB?
babysitting?
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
hah. yes, thats how me & keith started talking again.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
updating my livejournal.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
getting some of my boobs off.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
got bored.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my eyes.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
i wouldn't really care.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a car.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
2.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
only shooting stars.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
middle finger.
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
couple of nights ago.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
not at all.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
honey ham!
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
biting my nails.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
if i had a cd shelf, i'd let you know.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
probably not.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
yes.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
not really.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
screaming & punching things.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
keiths house/bedroom.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
not at all.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
my barbie dolls.
61. WHAT ARE THE FIRST THREE NUMBERS IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
dont have a cell phone.
62. WHAT'S THE 10TH INCOMING TEXT ON YOUR PHONE SAY?
dont have a cell phone.
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
yes.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
no.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL/GUY?
honesty (not that i get much of it)
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
i have tons.
68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
no.
69. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
sleeping.
WHAT`S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
vanilla.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
green, blue, red, orange, & pink.
HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
zero?
WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
keith.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
naw, i don't care.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the fresh prince of bel air.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
meatloaf.. gag.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
keith.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
eyes &body.
80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
i dont know.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
keith.
82. FAVORITE DRINK?
flavored water.
83. ZODIAC SIGN:
sagaturis.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
i dont play sports, but football.
85. HAIR COLOR?
natural blonde.
86. EYE COLOR?
blue but change to blue green/green grey.
87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
used to.
88. SIBLINGS?
3brothers, 1sister.
89. FAVORITE MONTH?
i have like 3favorite months.
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
no.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
fresh prince.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
whatever.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
nope.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer.
95. THE BOOK OR THE MOVIE?
book.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationship.
97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONs?
no one at all.
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
whatever.
99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
"the wedding" by nicholas sparks.
100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
i guess, keith?
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